Monday, August 1, 2011

A brief rant about literature (if one can call it that).

Okay, so while engrossed in my baby name research of earlier this morning, I made a discovery that until about thirty seconds ago did not resonate with the full impact of it craptastitude. The #1 boy's name since 1999 (and before that, it was still in the top ten farther back than I had the patience to check) has been Jacob. Now, don't get me wrong: this is a lovely name, and in fact the name of one of my favorite people in the world. It has some powerful and significant Biblical significance, some really fascinating international variations, and has culturally gained both strength and credibility. I would fault no one for naming their son Jacob...unless it was after JACOB FRIGGIN' BLACK THE GODDAMNED EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE WEREWOLF. Does anyone really want their child to assume the charming characteristics of random uncontrollable rage, five-year-old-style sulking and whining, and the intellectual prowess of a tampon? Might as well just name him Ned...after Ned.

Surely, naming your kid a completely normal name that you associate with a crappy character from a crappy series of crappy books is better than, say, naming your kid a not-completely-normal name that has some really negative connotations due to the misbehavior of the namesake. In either case, if the kid ends up with a name she or he can live with, super duper. Just...don't tell them your inspiration if it turns out to be something embarrassing later on. (This goes out to you, next person who wants to name their daughter Sarah after a certain political...gem...just name her after me instead, okay?)

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